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Toaster Bags and Tina Barrett was the third episode of the YoGPoD, released on the 1st March 2009. It was created and produced by Simon and Lewis, also featuring Hannah. The episode is thirty-two minutes and twenty-three seconds long.

In this episode, Lewis and Simon talk about the miraculous invention of 'Toaster Bags' and mention Tina Barrett for the first time (Tina was previously mentioned in a pilot episode of the YoGPoD, however this episode has never and is unlikely to ever be aired). The duo also discuss their top played songs on iTunes and Simon reads out parts of a 'Ripley's Believe it or Not' book.

Official Description Edit

"As usual, Simon and Lewis discuss a wide variety of drivel."

Transcript Edit

There will be casual swearing involved. You have been warned.

Thanks to WhaleWontCollide for a complete Transcription.

[Music starts playing]

Mearis Hello and welcome to Yogscast.

Simon: You're listening to the YogPod. [in a high pitched voice] You're listening to the YogPod. [in a dynamic voice] You're listening to the YogPod. [in a garbled voice] You're listening YogPod. [in a Russian accent] You are listening to the YogPod. [laughs] That's like a Russian. [laughs]

Lewis: [whispering over Simon] Hello and welcome to the Yogscast.

Simon: You know, you've got your-

Lewis: You are currently listening to Honeydew talk about toaster bags.

Simon: -your sweet little piece of ass on the side.

Lewis: Let's listen.

Simon: You're cooking a delicious, romantic meal for two and you... You get the toaster out of the cupboard, put it on the kitchen counter and put salmon fillets into a shitty brown paper bag type thing and put that in the toaster and that is how you cook your delicious, romantic meal. I mean, that's a bit weird, isn't it? I mean, it's great for cheese toasties quickly but cooking salmon. Can you hear me turn the pages? This little leaflet that comes with- You only get, like, four toaster bags and you get, like, a leaflet with all these recipes.

Lewis: What the fuck is a toaster bag?

Simon: A toaster bag is like a small brown paper bag-esque thing into which you pop a sandwich which you then put inside of your toaster and cook. So that it becomes a delicious toasted sandwich.

Lewis: But it doesn't actually get toasted, is that right?

Simon: Well, the outside gets toasted.

Lewis: So, it just sort of warms it up?

Simon: No, it toasts properly. I mean the-

Lewis: How does it do that?

Simon: Magic. I mean, it's a weird thing, these bags. It's like some weird mesh. It's not actually paper and it's not really plastic. It's something that conducts heat very well but doesn't allow any spillages out of.

Lewis: So, what? You pop a, like, anything you want in there?

Simon: Yup.

Lewis: So you can just pop anything in there, can you? Like a banana.

Simon: Yup.

Lewis: Or ummm...

Simon: Yup. You can put pizza, like a slice of pizza into it. You can put some... Some frozen french fries or chips into it and cook them on the toaster. You can put fish fingers in there. Burgers. Fish. Fish fingers.

Lewis: Fish fingers.

Simon: Fish sticks.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: Fish cakes.

Lewis: Um... Could you-

Simon: Fish fillets.

Lewis: -I mean, doesn't this largely depend on how-

Simon: Sushi. You can cook sushi in it.

Lewis: -but I mean, does all this stuff get toasted?

Simon: Yeah, everything is toasted. But then, it's kind of just like grilling and pizza is a very thin kind of thing. So, toasting pizza is pretty, you know, it's fine and toasting fish fingers is fine because they're, you know, they're thin... A thin foodstuff.

Lewis: How did you get... How did you find out about this?

Simon: I mean, you can't really put bits of chicken into it, you know? You can't-

Lewis: Why not?

Simon: You can't put half of a raw chicken into your toaster and expect it to cook nicely.

Lewis: Oh, well I guess it is limited by the size of your taste- toaster, though. You can't really, like, stuff-

Simon: Well...

Lewis: -a whole chicken down into the toaster slit, can you?

Simon: I mean, it also doesn't heat through. All it does is toast it. So, the outside is, you know, heated up and made crispy.

Lewis: But also, I mean, you... You mentioned... One of the first examples you mentioned was a sandwich, right? Now, I don't know how big your toaster is but mine certainly isn't big enough to... To hold a whole sandwich.

Simon: Well, I mean I have to squish the bread down a bit.

Lewis: Right.

Simon: So, if you have... Especially if you have thick sliced bread.

Lewis: Right.

Simon: You have to, you know, you have to fist it a little bit. You know... You... You pump-

Lewis: Oh dear.

Simon: -your fist down. You knead it. You knead it down so it's a bit thinner. You sit on it.

Lewis: Let's say I wanna make a-

Simon: You slam it in a car door a few times.

Lewis: -a bacon and chicken sandwich, okay?

Simon: You get your sandwich and you lie it in the middle of a road and then you drive a steam roller over it a couple of times.

Lewis: Right, and then you put it in one of these bags.

Simon: Yes.

Lewis: Pop it in the toaster.

Simon: Yes.

Lewis: How much do these bags cost?

Simon: Ummm... I can't remember. I think it's two or three quid or something.

Lewis: Oh, you've already bought it, have you?

Simon: Yeah. I've bought it, I've used it, I've... I... I had cheese on toast this morning. Cooked in a toaster bag. But, I mean, can you imagine cooking a salmon fillet in one of these toaster bags?

Lewis: Is that what they suggest?

Simon: With a little sprig of- Yes. With a sprig of tarragon.

Lewis: Serving suggestions.

Simon: Cooks in about five minutes.

Lewis: I mean yeah, if you imagine that-

Simon: Do you think you could cook lasagna in it?

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: [laughs] You get, like, a Bird's Eye lasagna for one from the freezer section. You, like, open it up, remove the packaging, you have this massive, frozen lump of pasta and mince and you just, kind of like, wedge it into this bag and throw it in the toaster. You'd probably start a fire actually. The house would burn down.

Lewis: Why would it start a fire?

Simon: Lasagna's very flammable.

Lewis: Oh. We didn't start the fire.

Simon: [as Lionel Ritchie] Hello. [returns to normal voice] What's your favourite band from the nineteen eighties? We can't actually... If... If we're gonna this shit which, I mean, heaven fucking forgive us for committing such an awful sin against humanity for doing so. But if we were to we can't... We can't really sing proper music too much due to... To copyright reasons.

Lewis: What do you mean?

Simon: So... I mean if we were... If we were... If we were to, uhhh... To sing Happy Birthday, I mean, that's still covered by copyright so we wouldn't actually be able to, you know, completely sing the whole song.

Lewis: But are you allowed... No but, I mean by singing like one line of a song out of tune I don't think we're gonna, like, actually get in trouble.

Simon: Well, I mean there's not much chance of us... Us singing anything in tune so...

Simon: [in a robotic voice] You're listening to the YogPod. Nnngaaa...

Lewis: All right. So let's record some YogPod. Ummm...

Simon: What are we actually gonna say? What are we gonna do? There's just gonna be, like, a conversation about toaster bags. [as Lionel Ritchie] Hello! [returns to normal voice] And welcome to the YogPod.

Lewis: You... I don't think people will get the reference unless you say the second line because you're so out of tune with that hello.

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: That I think they will just think you're saying hello in a weird way.

Simon: I have to be though.

Lewis: They won't get the Lionel Ritchie reference.

Simon: I have to be, otherwise Lionel Ritchie will sue me if I sing it in tune so I... I have to sing out of tune. [out of tune] Hello! [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs] Oh for fuck's sake.

Simon: I'm just protecting us. I'm protecting the YogPod. That's all I'm doing. I have to sing out of tune. In many ways I've been practicing my entire life singing out of tune just for this YogPod.

Lewis: I thought you... I thought you said we had something to talk about. You had something to, like, talk about.

Simon: [laughs] It was the toaster bags. That was...

Lewis: Oh shit, we've already used it.

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: So, that's it. That's it. We're done. Anyway, um... Thanks for listening to the YogPod. Ummm... I hope you've enjoyed this fucking shambles. Oh Nicholas cage, this is awful. I mean, in many ways I'm actually quite reassured by the fact that anything that we do from now on can't possibly be as bad as the Sipsgate episode.

Lewis: Sipsgate, ohhh... Jesus. That was... I was a little bit drunk, though, when we recorded that.

Simon: Okay, pick a number between one and two hundred and fifty-six. Preferably not one or two hundred and fifty-six but somewhere, you know-

Lewis: Okay.

Simon: -somewhere in the middle. [laughs]

Lewis: Okay.

Simon: You have to tell me what it is. This isn't a fucking-

Lewis: Oh.

Simon: -You know, I'm a magician. I'm not David Blaine.

Lewis: [laughs] You're not gonna guess. Uhhh...

Simon: No, I'm not gonna guess what it is. Eighty seven. Oooohhh...

Lewis: A hundred and thirteen, I was gonna... I was thinking of.

Simon: A hundred and thirteen. Okay. Let me consult my tome. Okay, what have we got? Uhhh... One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Okay, a number between one and twelve.

Lewis: Uhhh... Do I have to tell you?

Simon: [as Lionel Ritchie] Hello! [returns to normal voice] Yes.

Lewis: Why are you doing that? Why are you saying hello?

Simon: [laughs] I'm just gonna keep singing hello in the style of Lionel Ritchie throughout this YogPod.

Lewis: Don't do that.

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: It's really annoying.

Simon: I am just gonna keep doing it. I just... I feel like I should warn you now. So-

Lewis: Do I have to... I have to tell you.

Simon: -a number between... [as Lionel Ritchie] Hello!

Lewis: Stop doing that! [sighs] Uhhh...

Simon: A number between one and twelve.

Lewis: Two.

Simon: Two, okay. I am reading from Ripley's Believe It Or Not book. Canadian singer song writer, Kevin Bath, recoreded an entire... An album... Oh shit, I've already fucked up. [laughs] Canadian singer song writer, Kevin Bath, recorded an album a week for an entire year with eight tracks per album. That totalled to four hundred and sixteen songs in three hundred and sixty five days.

Lewis: What are you talking about?

Simon: This is like an... An interesting fact or feat or freak of nature type thing.

Lewis: What is?

Simon: So, this guy... This guy wrote-

Lewis: What are you doing?

Simon: -four hundred and sixteen-

Lewis: What did my num- What about the numbers?

Simon: Becau- This has helped me pick, at random, a... An interesting fact from this book.

Lewis: Oh right. So, you have a book.

Simon: Which is kind of appropriate because we were talking about music.

Lewis: [sighs]

Simon: And this is about music. A very creative, hard working guy who produced a massive body of work within a year. Four hundred and sixteen songs in a year.

Lewis: Well, they can't be any good, I've never heard of any of 'em. I could do that. Let's make one up now. Actually-

Simon: Well...

Lewis: [clicks fingers] -we need... This is a good fucking lead. We need-

Simon: Is that part of it?

Lewis: -a...

Simon: Clicking of fingers, is that the beat.

Lewis: We can have... We can have that.

Simon: You've already got that sorted out.

Lewis: [laughs] We can have that. That's part of it. We need to make a theme tune to the YogPod. So, it's like an intro thing.

Simon: We've already got the Star Wars theme. We just.. We just have the... The Star Wars disco them with us singing, you know, [singing to the tune of the Star Wars theme] YogPod! This is the YogPod! [returns to normal voice] Like that.

Lewis: Uhhh... Well, wouldn't there be copyright issues with that?

Simon: Yes but we have to sing it out of tune and we can't use any music. So, it would just be me singing like that with you clicking your fingers over it. [laughs]

Lewis: Okay, let's try again. You ready? You have to sing out of tune. Ready? [clicks fingers]

Simon: [sings to the beat of the Star Wars theme, very out of tune] YogPod! This is the YogPod!

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: [still singing] This is the YogPod!

Lewis: How long... [laughs] How long is this gonna go on for?

Simon: [still singing] This is the YogPod.

Lewis: [stops clicking] Oh right, okay.

Simon: That's it. That's it. That's it. That's enough. That's beautiful. That's... That's gonna be beautiful.

Lewis: I-

Simon: When you listen back to that you're gonna be amazed.

Lewis: Really?

Simon: Anyway, I've missed... Missed the most interesting fact about this guy from Canada who wrote two hundred and sixteen songs in a year, right?

Lewis: Mhmm...

Simon: He worked so hard and put so much... So many hours into this that he couldn't take the time out to shave so he grew a massive beard over the course of a year.

Lewis: Oh, what?

Simon: Yeah, he didn't... He didn't wanna take the time of off, you know, his... His song writing and recording.

Lewis: Was he like Forrest Gump running across America?

Simon: Yeah, apart from, you know, the fact that he wasn't running, he was just, you know, in his studio and he wasn't some stupid American. He was a stupid Canadian and he's not fictional, he's a real person.

Lewis: What's his name?

Simon: Um... Apart from that, it's exactly the same as Forrest Gump. You're right on the money there.

Lewis: What kind of music was it, as well? Because if it was like R and B-

Simon: It was probably country music.

Lewis: -everything sounds the same. So, he probably could have got away-

Simon: He's... He's...

Lewis: -with, like, repeating himself.

Simon: He's a Canadian called Kevin. It's bound to be, um... Country and western music. Hey, maybe we could, um... We could use one of his songs. He might let us use one of his songs. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Lewis: Oh yeah, that's a good idea. Let's... What's his name?

Simon: Kevin Bath. I'm sure they're really good songs. You know-

Lewis: Kevin Bath?

Simon: -given that he... Kevin Bath.

Lewis: Uh... I've found his website kevinbath.com. I'm a bit unnerved.

Simon: Wow! How on earth did you find that? Holy shit!

Lewis: There's links... There's links on the front page.

Simon: You're... You're quite the internet detective, aren't you Lewis?

Lewis: And the links are-

Simon: Wow!

Lewis: -music, skip tracer, the history of my hair.

Simon: The history... The history of my hair?

Lewis: Yeah, I immediately clicked on that, right?

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: And it's like a video... [laughs] It's like a movie. It's buffering.

Simon: About his hair?

Lewis: Oh my nicolas cage, this is really weird.

Simon: He wrote a song about his hair?

Lewis: Basically, it's just as slide show of pictures from his life, of him.

Simon: The history... History of my hair. Windows media video. Is that the Rolling Stones? What music's that?

Lewis: It's obviously something he wrote. Duh, why would he use the Rolling fucking Stones?

Simon: It sounds like-

Lewis: This guy wrote

Simon: -because... Because it sounds like-

Lewis: -four hundred songs over the course of a year.

Simon: -the start of Sympathy for the Devil.

Lewis: Do you really think he would've-

Simon: It... It sounds like-

Lewis: -ripped off the Rolling Stones to make a video-

Simon: -the start of Sympathy for the Devil, though.

Lewis: -about his hair?

Simon: Yes. I think he has.

<LINER>

Simon: [in a demonic voice] You're listening to YogPod. [coughs]

</LINER>

Simon: Each week, starting October first two thousand six and ending September twenty third two thousand seven, I set a world record by releasing a CD a week, for a year. Wow. I must say the, uh... The album cover art is quite spectacularly shit.

Lewis: [laughs] Really?

Simon: Yeah, one of them appears to be a picture of a piece of meat. This is very odd.

Lewis: Wow, one of them looks like it was done in Microsoft word art. Two thousand and seven, it says.

Simon: [laughs] Called, E Sips.

Lewis: [laughs] One of the album covers is him. He's written on his hand and taken a picture of it.

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: The last time someone posted on his MySpace was the twenty first of May, two thousand and eight. Right, now I think we should start trying to change this stuff. We should get people to post on his MySpace.

Simon: What? Instead of Tina Barrett's?

Lewis: As well as Tina Barrett's. But people didn't know they were supposed to post on Tina Barrett's MySpace because we never released that YogPod.

Simon: You never... Oh, man!

Lewis: It's on... It's on the... The... The... The... The table.

Simon: I was just checking it for messages. Oh nicolas cage, I... There's music playing by Tina Barrett on her MySpace. She's actually done some new music. It starts like... It's a bit like the Tetris remix.

Lewis: Oh my nicolas cage, there's some posts on Tina Barrett's MySpace. None of them are from YogsPod fans, though. But one of these postSimon: Hello, honey. Hope you're fine. Wow, on February twenty first, two thousand and eight, I got my first mail from you. This day I knew I was blessed by love and happiness and that heaven could exist. You're one of the best thing which could happen to me-

Simon: What?

Lewis: -since two thousand and four. Love from Francois.

Simon: Yeah, that's a bit fucking weird.

Lewis: Do you reckon she'd, like, contact us if we added her as a friend and stuff?

Simon: Um... I think we'd probably have a restraining order put out against us. [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs] I'd love to get some mail from Tina Barrett. Oh, fuck. This is gonna be great. Right, guys seriously, uh... Get on it, all of our loyal listeners. Get onto Tina Barrett and we wanna hear from her. We wanna hear her... Hopefully, she'll, like, email you or contact you in some way and we wanna hear back. Or Kevin Bath. Kevin Bath will do as well. Um...

Simon: To be honest, I'm probably gonna forget who Kevin Bath is tomorrow.

Lewis: He's got such a good name, though.

Simon: And it's just gone.

Lewis: Kevin Bath.

Simon: Kevin Bath.

Lewis: [laughs] Yeah.

Simon: It's not the best name I've ever heard. Jesus Nails, that's the best name I've ever heard.

Lewis: Jesus Nails?

Simon: Jesus Nails.

Lewis: Did Jesus Nails have a fight with Chuck Norris?

Simon: I'm not even... I'm not even gonna go there.

Lewis: Jesus Nails. Nicolas Cage, that sounds like a band name, doesn't it? Or something. Where were we anyway?

Simon: Maybe we should rename the YogPod, Jesus Nails. The YogPod is re... Rebranded. Rereleased-

Lewis: Rebranded.

Simon: -under the name... It was formerly Norwich Union [laughs] and now it's Jesus Nails.

Lewis: [laughs] Yeah, Nor- Norwich Union was just lacking something. So, where were we?

Simon: This music... This music on Tina Barrett's MySpace is shocking.

Lewis: How bad is it?

Simon: I honestl... I honestly believe that we could do better.

Lewis: Really?

Simon: I'm looking at it, it saySimon: plays today, five. Five people have listened to this music.

Lewis: Oh my nicolas cage.

Simon: On her MySpace today.

Lewis: [laughs] Oh dear.

Simon: Five people.

Lewis: Do you think we're weird for, like, following Tina Barrett?

Simon: I don't think that's the only reason we're weird.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: I mean Aith's a fan of, um... Hannah Montana and I think that's much weirder. Oh, Hannah Spearritt is Tina Barrett's friend on MySpace. See, Hannah Spearritt, at least she did, um... Primeval. The ITV supernatural-ish, bizarre, like, drama thing.

Lewis: Buh...

Simon: With dinosaurs in the modern world coming back from the past.

Lewis: Oh... It was terrible. It was terrible. It was shit.

Simon: I thought some of the episodes were pretty decent.

Lewis: I think I managed to watch about half an episode and then I felt sick and had to shoot myself.

Simon: If... If... If we actually, I mean nicolas cage help us if this makes it into the podcast we know something's gone horribly wrong-

Lewis: What, talking about Primeval?

Simon: -if Hannah Spearritt is... Yeah. [laughs] If Hannah Spearritt actually is listening to this, I thought you were very good in Primeval. I thought you were very good. You're a very good actress.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: Especially-

Lewis: Do you reckon-

Simon: Especially when you walked around in your pants.

Lewis: Do you reckon Hannah Spearritt will ever, ever listen to this?

Simon: She's probably very fond of... Of podcasting. She's probably quite an avid follower of, you know, like, Nobody Likes Onions or... Or something like that.

Lewis: I don't know who any of that is.

Simon: Podcasters. [in a Yorkshire accent] Podcarsters. [returns to normal voice] Do you know what? I think Hannah Spearritt's probably my... My favourite member of S Club seven, now.

Lewis: You've changed your mind-

Simon: I don't think it's-

Lewis: -over the last six months.

Simon: I don't think it's Tin- Well, I've listened to Tina Barrett's music and that's just put me off.

Lewis: [laughs] I... I... How... Uh... Is it really that terrible?

Simon: It's that bad.

Lewis: Oh my nicolas cage.

Simon: Yeah. It's really bad. Has she actually released that album yet? [laughs]

Lewis: Oh, what, the one we were talking about ages ago?

Simon: Nobody would fucking know, would they? No... Nobody would know if she released it.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: It's like number a hundred and eighty seven on the Billboard charts.

Lewis: Look at Ha- Look at Tina Barrett's influences.

Simon: Alcohol?

Lewis: It starts off and it's like... Right, who are these people? Tell me if you know who these people are. Slime the Family Stone.

Simon: Yeah. Yeah.

Lewis: Who is that?

Simon: A nineteen seventies disco band.

Lewis: Timberland.

Simon: Yeah.

Lewis: That's quite a step up.

Simon: Music producer and artist.

Lewis: Leah James, Nicki Coster.

Simon: Sorry, who?

Lewis: Air. Jimmi Hendrix. Kelis.

Simon: Yeah.

Lewis: Billy Holiday.

Simon: Kelis?

Lewis: Fergie. George Clinton. Nina Simone. Queens of the Stone Age. Nirvana.

Simon: This is... What?

Lewis: Doctor Dre.

Simon: What?

Lewis: Rage Against the Machine. Fifty Cent.

Simon: What?

Lewis: Nass. Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. Marylin Manson. Boys2Men.

Simon: Marylin Manson?

Lewis: Gnarles Barkley. [laughs] I mean, it just bounces between, like, everything. I mean, who isn't an influence on Tina Barrett?

Simon: Well, I mean, maybe that's her problem. She has too many influences. I mean, if she was just a fan of disco then her songs would, you know, not be so shit. But because she likes such a... A wide range of music she just doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. Maybe that's it.

Lewis: I mean, she's got-

Simon: I'm sorry Tina Barrett.

Lewis: Korn right next to Boys2Men right next to Outkast.

Simon: Well, I like Outkast and Korn.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: I don't like Boys2Men.

Lewis: Really?

Simon: Yeah. I love it. I've got... I've got loads of Korn songs on my, um... On my iTunes and I've also got, um...

Lewis: No, I was saying really that you don't like Boys2Men.

Simon: Hey Ya. Hey Ya is one of my most-

Lewis: I'm very surprised.

Simon: -my most listened to songs

Simon: [as the Queen] Shut the fuck up please. One is listening to the YogPod.

Simon: The most listened to songs on iTunes is just... It's like a shame list.

Lewis: Oh yeah, I wonder if I can do that.

Simon: The list of shame.

Lewis: What's your most listened to?

Simon: Um... I've forgotten how you fucking show it now.

Lewis: Uh... There's either a tab on the left where you can press it or there's a play count, um... Tab. You can have, like, a tab at the top. Artist, album, genre, rating, play count.

Simon: Top twenty five most played. Hysteria by Muse is top. Oh...

Lewis: That's not too bad.

Simon: Well, that is a very good tune.

Lewis: That's not too bad. I've got-

Simon: Happiness is a Warm Gun is number two. The Breeders cover of the Beetles song.

Lewis: Good nicolas cage.

Simon: It's a ver- It's a very good song.

Lewis: Oh... I've got some really awful ones.

Simon: Come on. Come on.

Lewis: I've got Coldplay with forty four plays, Life in Technicolor.

Simon: Is that top? Forty four plays?

Lewis: Yeah. Yeah.

Simon: Well, you've got a lot more music than I have. I mean, I've got eighty one plays of Hysteria by Muse.

Lewis: Oh nicolas cage.

Simon: But then I used to... Well, the thing is I used to put it on when we had, like, a timed boss encounter in WoW. When we were playing on the internet games. So when... Cause it's a really short, you know, fast, aggressive song. I thout it was, you know, it was banging and it... It really fit. Oh nicolas cage, this is so sad.

Lewis: Is this why you're so bad at playing a prop paladin? Cause you were listening to, like, banging metal music.

Simon: I'm not bad. I'm not bad at all. Come on, on Knax I hadn't played for like three weeks or something, properly. And then I, like, tank everything in Knax, easy.

Lewis: Yeah.

Simon: You were saying, oh you're so good Honeydew-

Lewis: So, second-

Simon: -I've missed you so much.

Lewis: -I had, um...

Simon: Oh...

Lewis: I've got Amaranth by Nightwish. Eugh!

Simon: That's a good song. That's a good song.

Lewis: Then I've got Katy Perry.

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: Waking Up in Vegas.

Simon: Oh my nicolas cage. Oh, that is bad. That is bad.

Lewis: Sometimes the numbers get-

Simon: Katy.

Lewis: -artificially inflated, though. Because if the song is, like-

Simon: Yeah! Yeah!

Lewis: No, like, if the song is the first-

Simon: Yeah!

Lewis: -one on the album.

Simon: It's the shuffle isn't it?

Lewis: And you put the album on that gets played.

Simon: Yeah.

Lewis: [laughs] No, not... Not the shuffle.

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: Or, if...

Simon: It just comes up-

Lewis: If you put, like... Shut up!

Simon: -a hundred times a day-

Lewis: Shut up!

Simon: -on shuffle.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: It's just random. It's just a coincidence.

Lewis: I can't use shuffle because, um... It starts, like, I'm listening to shuffle and I'm, like, playing counter strike or something and suddenly it starts playing track seventeen of, like, Stephen King's Dark Tower four or whatever. The audiobook.

Simon: [laughs] Don't you... Why don't you remove it from your library or create, you know, a playlist with every song apart from, you know, the audiobooks.

Lewis: Oh, because that takes effort.

Simon: Number four on my playlist is Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who.

Lewis: See, you're pretty cool.

Simon: See, number five I've also got The Who with Baba O'Riley. See, these are both-

Lewis: Oh geez.

Simon: -CSI theme songs.

Lewis: Yeah? What the hell? That's weird.

Simon: Well, the thing is, I liked The Who before CSI because my dad was a big fan of them and we had a member of The Who who lived near by as well, so...

Lewis: Who do you think didn't like The Who before CSI? Who do you think has, like, discovered The Who through watching CSI?

Simon: Like, people in their twenties, probably. [laughs] People in their teens. You know, people who aren't thirty years old like me.

Lewis: Oh, man. Then again, I mean, that's not a bad theme tune to have, is it? Using The Who. They did well.

Simon: I'm surprised they didn't use The Seeker because that... That perfectly fits, like, a cop show. It's just bizarre. Then I've got Easy by Faith No More, the cover that they did. Which the... The video has, like, a... A huge blan- A huge... Oh nicolas cage, a huge blank? [laughs] The video for Easy has a huge group of, um... Like, transvestites going about their day. It's very odd.

Lewis: What are you talking about?

Simon: The video to Easy by Faith No More.

Lewis: How did we move onto some bad who I... So, how did we suddenly... Sorry, I turned off for, like, a second and suddenly you're talking about something completely ridiculous.

Simon: Our most listened to songs on iTunes. You know, the easy like Sunday morning, ahhhh... I have to sing it out of tune. Just remember this. [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: [as Lionel Ritchie] Hello!

Lewis: [singing Easy] I'm easy like Sunday morning.

Simon: [out of tune] Morning!

Lewis: Duhh duhh duhh duhh...

Simon: Out of... Out of tune. Out of tune. Don't accidentally sing it in tune.

Lewis: That was out of tune. I mean, I can't sing in tune, Jesus.

Simon: Well, that's probably the problem. Because you can only sing out of tune, when you try to deliberately sing it out of tune you slipped to being in tune.

Lewis: [laughs] Thanks man, I appreciate the compliment.

Simon: It's all right. It's all right. You're welcome.

Lewis: Right, let's do that numbers thing again. Um... Do I have to choose a num- What was... What was the firt number?

Simon: Oh nicolas cage. Uh... Between one and two hundred and fifty six. It's a very large book. Could you hear that? Could you hear me opening it? It's like this massive, you know... Raawwwr! Big fucking book. [book flapping] Can you hear this book? It's a big fucking book.

Lewis: Lomadia, ch- Choose a number.

Hannah: What?

Simon: Hi Hannah, what are you wearing? You have to pick a number...

Hannah: Clothes.

Simon: Clothes? Holy shit! That's a coincidence, I am too. So-

Hannah: Well...

Simon: -a number between one and two hundred and fifty six. Although, if you pick two hundred and fifty six that will be the acknowledgements page which probably won't be very interesting.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: Writers. China photos.

Hannah: One hundred and forty two.

Lewis: Uh...

Simon: Okay, a number between one and ten.

Hannah: Three.

Simon: Okay. Oh, it's about library books. Isn't that interesting? Wow.

Hannah: What are you trying to say?

Simon: In sixteen fifty the bishop of Winchester, England... Just in case you thought it was, you know, Winchester, South Australia or Winchester, Taiwan. Um... In eightee- Oh, in sixteen fifty the bishop of Winchester borrowed a book... The bishop of Winchester borrowed a book from Somerset county records office but it was not returned to the Somerset county library until nineteen eighty five.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: Three hundred and thirty five years late.

Lewis: Nicolas Cage, I- And then there's a joke about the fine, isn't there?

Simon: Oh, you bastard. Okay, it had accrued-

Lewis: Yeah?

Simon: -six thousand dollars in unpaid fees because this is an American book, it's in dollars. Six hundred, uh... Six thousand dollars in unpaid fees and the title of the book, are you ready for this? The title of the book was The Book of Fines. Fines. And it was six thousand in fines-

Lewis: Hang on.

Simon: -for the light... Late book-

Lewis: What do you mean it was The Book of Fines?

Simon: and it's The Book of Fines.

Lewis: Was fines spelled differently?

Simon: It's The Book of Fines. No, fines.

Lewis: It was... So it's not a pun then?

Simon: We're feeling fines.

Lewis: [laughs] Oh nicolas cage!

Simon: [as old man] Eugh! You're listening to the YogPod.

Simon: Tune in for part two next week.

Lewis: Tune in next week for the second half of this YogPod. Thank you!

Simon: Thank you and goodbye from the YogPod with Xephos and Honeydew and whoever else was talking.

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