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Sipsgate is the second episode of the YoGPoD, released on the 19th February, 2009. The episode is 21 minutes and 19 seconds in length and was created and produced by Simon and Lewis, also featuring Hannah, Yohi, Sips and Pierson.

Sipsgate is perhaps the most infamous YoGPoD to date as it includes Lewis' repeated phone calls to Sips' house, asking him questions such as "Why haven't we had sex yet?" despite Sips ordering Lewis to only use his phone number in case of an emergency with the Yogscast website. Lewis calls Sips 4 times, however Sips only answers twice, after the fourth time Lewis calls Sips on vent and calls Pierson on the phone. On the next episode of the YoGPoD (Toaster Bags and Tina Barrett), Lewis admits that he was drunk on the night he recorded Sipsgate. The episode was recorded close to midnight.

The episode also includes a "fan" called Simon Lane calling in to his own podcast to give Yohimitsu a shout-out.

Official Description Edit

"Sips, a Canadian man who lives on an island in the English Channel, gets phoned up by two idiots that he knows from an internet game."

Transcript Edit

Music starts playing

Intro: Hello and welcome to YOGSCAST.

Hannah: Welcome to YoGPoD. This week it's the infamous Sipsgate where Xephos and Honeydew ring up someone they've only ever talked to on the internet

<LINER>

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: You're listening to the YoGPoD.

</LINER>

(Phone ringing)

Lewis: Hi, how are you doing?

Simon: (On the phone) Hello. Uhhm... I'm very well, thank you. Umm... I'm just calling to say that I love your radio show. I think you... You two do a very good job, you're very funny and I like listening to you on my way to work on my iPod.

Lewis: Thanks, man. It's good to hear from, you know, the listeners to the show. So, is there anyone you'd like to, you know, shout out to or anything like that while we're here?

Simon: I'd like to do a shout out to my homie Yohimitsu from the Netherlands.

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs] Uh...

Simon: Is that... Is that possible to do?

Lewis: Yup, we'll get that... we'll get that right out for you, mate. Thanks for calling in. Well, good.

Simon: [sniffs] Yup. Are you recording this on Vent?

Lewis: I might... I might be.

Simon: Oh right. So, you actually have the capacity to do this.

Lewis: Possibly.

Simon: Wow. This is amazing. We're through the looking glass here, people.

Lewis: This is, uh... This is great. Uhhh...

Simon: Uh... [sniffs] [clears throat]

Lewis: How's it going?

Simon: [laughs] It's fine.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: It's alright. It's alright, mate. It's alright, I'm just, you know, I'm just sat here on the phone, you know... [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: Just gotta finish my cup of coffee, um... I've... I've eaten, umm... seven jaffa cakes.

Lewis: Seven.

Simon: I have five left. 'Cause you get twelve in a pack so, I was able to do, you know, through a process of elimination, because I have five left, I was able to determine... Determine that I... I have actually eaten seven.

Lewis: Out of, um... Out of interest, how do you know that there's, like, twelve in a pack?

Simon: 'Cause there's always twelve in a pack.

Lewis: Are you talking about a tube of jaffa cakes?

Simon: Yes.

Lewis: How do you know there's twelve, though? Without getting them all out to begin with.

Simon: Because there's always twelve. There's always twelve in a pack. Since time immemorial, when the first jaffa cake crawled out of the sea and took its first steps on land...

Lewis: Its first orangey, chocolatey step-

Simon: Yes.

Lewis: -into someone's mouth.

Simon: Followed by its bretherin where upon it was packaged into a thin, plastic, see-through cylinder of orange tone.

Lewis: It's not see-through, it's, like, it's opaque.

Simon: Yeah, it's, like, see-through.

Lewis: I've got, like, a jaffa cake tube here.

Simon: I'm not talking about the cardboard tube. I'm talking about the plastic that the jaffa cakes go in before the plastic, with the jaffa cakes in, goes into the cardboard box. Okay? Just so that there's no confusion over this. I just want it to be absolutely clear. Twelve, like the apostles.

Lewis: When... Does it say twelve on it or do you... did you have to count them at some point and then you remembered the number?

Simon: Well, there's always twelve. Well, I can look at twelve of an object and tell that there's twelve.

Lewis: So, do you get them all out of the tube and then put them all back in?

Simon: Twelve is divisible by so many things that you look at it and you see twelve.

Lewis: Oh, so, like, one time you ate, like, six and then you ate another six and then you knew there was twelve in there.

Simon: Yes, there's twelve. There's always twelve. Twelve's a good number.

Lewis: How many viennese are there in a packet of viennese?

Simon: Oh, I'm not even sure. I haven't had any in ages. Uh...

Lewis: How many Jammy Dodgers are there in a packet of Jammy Dodgers?

Simon: I don't know. I'm very familiar with jaffa cakes because they've been on offer at the Co-op. [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: So... So, I have been um... I mean typically I've been having, like, a salad for dinner and then jaffa cakes. So I think that one balances the other.

Lewis: What for, like, dessert?

Simon: Ha- It's a nice salad actuallYohi: warm chicken with, um... apple.

Lewis: Hmm...

Simon: And a massive amount of lettuce. It's very nice.

Lewis: Sounds very healthy.

Simon: Well, yeah, I mean, it is healthy until you factor in the jaffa cakes afterwards.

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: And then it's not quite so good. Also, the Ginster's slices that I bought because they were on offer at the Co-op as well probably isn't so...

Lewis: Oh my god, Ginster's slices?

Simon: Yeah.

Lewis: Jesus, that's the equivalent of, like, a pie. So, you basically have salad and then a pie and then a half a pack of jaffa cakes. Jesus.

Simon: They're like a pie that someone's sat on actually, aren't they?

Lewis: [laughs] I need to ask, why are you on the phone Honeydew?

Simon: Yeah, I'm a great fan of, um... the YoGScast and I... Shouldn't I put on a different voice, so it sounds like someone else is doing it or do I just sound natural?

Yohi: Sound like... Put on your best proletariat accent you can.

Simon: [as Zhuang Ji] Hurro, me... me Zhaung. Me very happy with YoGcast. Me think very nice. [returns to normal voice] How was that?

Lewis: [laughs] I don't know whether it was more the problem of being racist or just the awful accent. You sounded like Ting Tong from Little Britain.

Simon: [laughs] It... It may come accross as slightly racist, that's my worry.

Lewis: Yeah, I think... I think... Yeah, we do need to be a little bit careful, I think with that.

Mulchie: I think we not only crossed the line but we crossed the line and then shat on it.

Lewis: [laughs] Can we have you back on Ventrilo now? Because, to be honest, this is getting a bit ridiculous. Yeah, let's wrap this up.

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: Um...

Simon: Thank you for letting me on the show.

Lewis: Yeah, it was good to to talk to you. Um...

Simon: Th-thanks.

Lewis: You're welcome, man.

Simon: Say, "Hi," to Simon for me.

Lewis: I wi- who?

Simon: Simon. Honeydew.

Lewis: Oh, yeah. I'll say... I'll say... I'll tell him you said, "Hi." Who are you again?

Simon: Okay. Uh... I'm Simon.

Lewis: Oh, okay.

Simon: He'll know... He'll know who I am.

Lewis: Alright. [laughs] Good. Okay, bye then. Bye.

Simon: You hang up first. No, you hang up first.

Yohi: Also, why am I talking to Honeydew when he can't hear us?

Simon: No, you hang up first. No you hang up. [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: (off the phone) Hello?

Lewis: I'm not sure whether that was usable. It was rather amusing.

Simon: I mean, it's good that fans can actually contact the Yogscast.

Mulchie: That sounds like it'd be more of a curse than a blessing. Do you really want your YouTube fanbase calling you in? And uh...

Lewis: [laughs]

Mulchie: Telling you about their day. Tell you how much they love the show.

Simon: They'd have to call your personal mobile phone number, as well, which they can contact any time.

Lewis: Oh dear. Well...

Simon: I mean, can you imagine you're... You're in, like, an important, um... News conference with the guy who does the periodic table of elements videos on YouTube. The guy with the mad hair.

Lewis: Oh yeah, I've seen him.

Simon: And you're about... You're about to ask him, like, this really well prepared question which you think will reveal the secrets of the periodic table of elements-

Lewis: Oh...

Simon: -and just as you're about to ask it your phone rings and it's Yohimitsu who wants to say hi to you and he phones up and he goes, [in a mocking voice] "Hi!" [returns to normal voice] like that. So loud that-

Mulchie: And just like that you miss out on a Nobel prize and your career's in ruins and, yeah... And it's all because of Yohimitsu.

<LINER>

Hannah: You're listening to the YoGPoD.

</LINER>

Simon: Hello.

Lewis: Hello, I was just checking to see the quality of that audio. Pretty crap.

Simon: Yeah, I thought it would be a bit.

Mulchie: So, is it all on the cutting room floor then?

Simon: No!

Lewis: Mmmmmm, I don't know whether we can salvage much out of that conversation. It was a bit random.

Simon: Well, yeah, I mean you just threw questions at me and I just horribly rambled.

Lewis: I tell you what I could do. I could ring Sips.

Simon: Damn it! Nobody wants to hear from Sips.

[phone rings]

Simon: Make sure you tell him that you're recording this.

[phone rings]

Lewis: He's not answering.

Mulchie: Litigation might be involved.

[phone rings]

Lewis: It is elven oh four, he's probably in bed. [laughs]

Simon: [laughs]

Lewis: If I wake him up that'll be the... That'll be quite funny.

Sips: [on the phone] Hello?

Lewis: Hey Sips, it's... It's Xephos, how... How're you doing?

Sips: Oh, hey.

Lewis: You are live on Yogscast.

Yohi: [laughs]

Sips: Oh right.

Lewis: [laughs] Uh... Don't swear.

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: How's it going?

Simon: You are live on Yogscast-

Sips: Great.

Simon: -please don't say fuck or bugger.

Lewis: [laughs]

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: We haven't woken you up, have we? Umm...

Sips: No, no.

Lewis: I know it's quite late, uh... And you're supposed to be going to bed, I think.

Sips: Yeah.

Lewis: And I was just calling to say, you know, hi. H- How's it going?

Sips: Hi.

Lewis: You're, um... Our web designer.

Sips: Yeah.

Lewis: [laughs]

Yohi: [laughs]

Simon: This is so fucking awkward.

Lewis: This is the most awkward thing ever.

Sips: Yeah, this... This is great.

Lewis: Ummm... Yeah, so you're on... you're on... on speaker so you can say hello.

Simon: Cut your losses! Cut your losses!

Lewis: And honey-

Simon: Just hang up on him!

Lewis: Okay, I'm going. Bye, Sips, bye. Oh god, that was horrible.

Yohi: Nice handling, Xephos.

Simon: Poor Sips, oh my god.

Lewis: Oh my god. [laughs]

Simon: You caught him off guard. He didn't like it, he didn't like it.

Lewis: [laughs]

Mulchie: Don't say anything to that conversation apart from you pissing yourself with laughter.

Lewis: I... I didn't have any, um... I didn't have any-

'Mulchie: Material before hand might just be-

Lewis: -questions prepared and him cracking up just made me fuck up big style.

Mulchie: That's it, you're career is in tatters.

Lewis: Oh man.

Simon: You should have warned him. You should have warned him. You should have, like, texted him to say, Oh I'm gonna call you. Ohhh...

Lewis: Let's call him back. Let's call him back.

Simon: No!

Lewis: [laughs]

Simon: God, no!

Lewis: Why not? This is gold. It's twelve minutes past eleven.

Simon: This is harrassment. This is harras- He'll put, like, a restraining order against you.

[phone rings]

Lewis: [laughs]

Yohi: [laughs]

[phone rings]

Lewis: [laughs] He's not answering, Honeydew.

[phone rings out]

Lewis: Oh...

Simon: Ohhhh no.

Lewis: Oh my god. [laughs]

Simon: I think this is basically the end of your friendship with Sips. It's just over. He's... He's gonna, like, block your number. I assume that's possible to do, I don't know. I- If you phone him again, right, you should ask that question from, like, four chan and, um... GBS. You know-

Lewis: What's that?

Simon: -how come we haven't had sex yet? Just say that as the first thing you say to him.

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: How come we haven't had sex yet?

Lewis: I'll try him again.

Simon: [laughs] Oh my god.

[phone rings]

Lewis: [laughs]

[phone rings]

Lewis: Yeah, this is... This is pretty- He's not answering, Honeydew.

Sips: [on the phone] Hello?

Lewis: Hi Sips, how- How's it going?

Simon: [laughs]

Sips: Good.

Lewis: [laughs] Uh... How come we haven't had sex yet?

Simon: Ask him, ask him, ask him!

Sips: Well, there's a couple of reasons.

Lewis: Right?

Sips: Yeah, but... But why do you keep phoning me? That's kind of weird.

Lewis: What do you mean? It's not weird.

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: I don't think it's weird at all.

Sips: It is pretty weird.

Lewis: It's... What? You're my friend and I'm calling you. Why-

Sips: I know but, like, you know, I can just talk to you, like, in a computer game. You don't need to phone me.

Lewis: [laughs] Do you regret giving me your number now?

Sips: Yeah.

Lewis: How much?

Yohi: Yeah?

Sips: A lot!

Lewis: Like, on a scale of one to ten, how much?

Sips: I don't know, which one is worth the most?

Lewis: If you had to give it some stars out of fifteen stars.

Sips: I don't know.

Simon: Apologise and hang up! Apologise and hang up! Jesus, man!

Lewis: [laughs] All right, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm... I'm hanging up. Oh, there we are. Phew...

Simon: I cannot believe you did that.

Yohi: He was really angry, Xephos.

Simon: I hope this is decent quality to use because-

Lewis: We're making it worse. We're making it worse.

Simon: -otherwise, you'll have just done this for nothing.

Lewis: Let's try again.

Simon: Don't call him! Do not call him! Do not fucking call him!

Lewis: What?

Yohi: He was really angry.

Simon: Do not call him!

Yohi: He was really angry.

Lewis: Why not?

Simon: Seriously, don't call him.

Lewis: It's... It's gonna... I'm gonna apologise. I'm gonna apologise.

Simon: Don't piss off Sips. Don't call him. Don't call him.

Yohi: Do it, Xephos. Do it!

Simon: Xeph, don't call him, please.

[phone rings]

Simon: Do not call him, please please do not call him.

Lewis: I'm calling a friend and I'm just gonna apologise.

Simon: No! No! Oh.

Lewis: He's not answering now.

[phone rings out]

Lewis: He...

Simon: Oh my god. This is... This is like the Jonothan Ross, Russel Brand thing all over again. At least you didn't say that you fucked his wife or something. Instead you just asked him why you haven't had sex yet. Oh, that is... That was so awkward. Oh my god.

Lewis: Oh my god.

Simon: I cannot believe you did that. I can't believe you called him up again.

Lewis: [laughs] I guess we kind of crossed the line here. The thing is, there's a slight difference between talking to someone on the phone and talking to them on Ventrillo, isn't there?

Yohi: Yeah. Vent- Phone is, like, IRL. Ventrillo is game.

Simon: Make sure you save this, okay? Because I don't want you to lose this after you've gone through this and you... You've basically ruined Sips' life.

Lewis: I don't think I've ruined Sips' life, I've just rung him up a few times at like-

Simon: He's...

Lewis: -half past eleven.

Simon: He's never gonna trust anyone ever again.

Lewis: [laughs] Yeah.

Simon: Can you imagine the conversation he's having with his wife right now? [as Sips' wife] Oh, who was that darling?

Lewis: No.

Simon: [as Sips] Oh, it was just some guy from the internet.

Lewis: Do you reckon she's, like, thinks he's having an affair or something?

Simon: Well, I don't know how loud Sips has his volume but I mean if she... If she heard him... If she heard you say why haven't we had sex yet she might be a little bit suspicious.

Lewis: Oh goodness me, maybe if I... Can you imagine if I was on speaker to her house? His house. I don't know if he lives in a house. The thing is, Sips only gave me his phone number because I was supposed to, like, to use him to, like, text him if there were problems with the website or something. Like an emergency number.

Simon: Like, do not ever call me. Just text me.

Lewis: Yeah, and it-

Simon: Don't call.

Lewis: -took... It took a lot of effort to get his number. I had to, like, carefully ask him. Oh, who else's numbers have I got on here. I've got someone else actually. Hang on.

<LINER>

Hannah: You're listening to the YogPod.

</LINER>

[pause]

Simon: Oh god.

Sips: [on Vent] You fucking bastards.

Simon: Lewis! Lewis!

Lewis: Oh shit. [laughs]

Simon: Lewis.

Lewis: Hi Sips.

Sips: I'm raging.

Lewis: Are you all right man?

Simon: I'm just about to publish a press release about what happened.

Lewis: We felt bad about ringing you up, you know, un- unsolicited and so we had to ring back and, like, try and make it up but are you all right, man? I didn't wanna, like, disturb you. I thought you might have gone to bed.

Sips: Yeah, it is kinda weird but I think I'm okay with it now.

Lewis: We've got over the initial shock of uh... Okay.

Sips: I don't feel so dirty anymore. I mean, at the time... Geez.

Lewis: We've got a surprise caller on the Yogscast, uh...

[phone beeping]

Lewis: Hang on.

Simon: Oh god.

Sips: Don't phone me again.

Lewis: I'm not going to phone you.

Simon: [laughs]

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Sips: If my phone starts ringing, honestly.

Lewis: Uhhh... Oh shit, no. Uhhh... [laughs] Tension. The tension I'm building here as I retardedly type these numbers into my phone is palpable. Guess who this is gonna be guys, you'll never guess. Have a guess. Go on.

Sips: It's gonna be Beska, it's gotta be Beska.

Simon: Lomadia.

Lewis: It's not gonna be Beska, is it? I don't even know Beska's number.

Yohi: Sips, do you have Beska's number?

Sips: Doesn't everyone have Beska's phone number?

[phone rings]

Yohi: We should call Beska.

Pierson: [on the phone] Hello?

Lewis: Hello. You're live on the Yogscast, don't swear. How's it going?

Pierson: It's pretty good, why are you calling me on the Yogscast at twenty to midnight.

Lewis: Ayyy, it's Pierson everyone.

Simon: It's Pierson.

Pierson: What?

Yohi: [laughs]

Lewis: Can you not hear him very well?

Pierson: No, I can't hear them at all.

Lewis: Okay, well you... Well, no you can't hear them, can you? I'm calling you on my mobile. I'm just broadcasting it over vent. How's it going Pierson.

Pierson: Hi. Hi guys. I'm pretty good.

Lewis: You... You moved server, didn't you? For the, uhhh... The mount-

Pierson: Yes.

Lewis: -and the title.

Pierson: I have travelled across deep oceans and across vast caverns to reach Terokkar.

Lewis: So, uh... We're gonna need to do a Yogscast about that when you come back probably and, uh... That'll be good.

Pierson: Yeah. Okay, fair enough.

Lewis: How's it going, Pierson?

Pierson: On Terokkar?

Lewis: Well, no, just in general.

Pierson: In general it's going pretty good except there's these guys that just keep calling me up to be on their stupid internet webcast thing.

Lewis: Who... Who else has called you up?

Pierson: It's you. I'm talking about you.

Lewis: Your phone appeared to be busted before. Is that, like, a common- Do you get many people ringing you up usually?

Pierson: No, no.

Lewis: No. [laughs]

Pierson: [laughs]

Sips: Well, here we go. This is where it gets awkward. Yeah, hey. You know me from the internet, uhhhhh... So...

Lewis: Okay. Right, well there we are. Thanks Pierson, I don't think I can... I can take...

Pierson: No problem. I'm glad I could help with your thing.

Lewis: You're welcome. Okay, bye Pierson.

Pierson: Bye.

Lewis: Bye. That was cool, man. That was cool. There was nothing wrong with that at all.

Sips: Yeah, that was really cool.

Lewis: Did you enjoy that?

Sips: I loved it.

Simon: I can't... I just cannot believe...

<OUTRO>

Hannah: That's all from the YogPod. Tune in next week. Mwah!

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