Letters from the Yognau(gh)ts is a (somewhat) recurring section of the YoGPoD, where Simon Lane and Lewis Brindley, as the name of the section would suggest, read letters from the Yognau(gh)ts and respond to them as best they can. Correspondence over the course of the YoGPoD has ranged from humerous and heartwarming to creepy, strange and, at times, homoerotic; so much so that Mulchie referenced it in the song "YoG and PoD".
November 2008[]
In the YoGPoD episode 33: My mum bought me a troll... (20/08/2010), Lewis mentioned that a few of the letters were from a little way back, and Simon joked that they had left a letter from November 2008 unread.
Letter from Jeremy[]
"Why do you never respond to my correspondence?"
Simon and Lewis's response[]
Simon: "Sorry, Jeremy."
YoGPoD Episode 17: Don't they just go down to their undies[]
Letter from LXBuddyB419XL[]
"Hello Honeydew and Xephos, I enjoy the YoGPoD. Who would have known that a few WoW "How-To" videos, doing the exact opposite of what they are supposed to do, become so popular? I don't know why but it seems I am the only person in my state who enjoys listening to the YoGPoD. I tried sharing it to a friend, but he thinks I'm crazy for listening to this waste of time. I disagree. Anyway, there are a few questions that I'd like to have answered if you have the time. What the 'f' is a Jaffa Cake? They sound scrumptious... Do you guys live near each-other?... What's your favourite thing in the whole world?..."
Simon and Lewis' response[]
Simon: "Why would he tell us that? Why would he feel the need to tell us I told a mate about it, he listened to it for a bit, and said you were shit.
Lewis: "That's a glowing review..."
(When answering the first question.) Simon: "They're kind of like a 1950s style flying saucer, but it's a cake. I believe the queen actually eats Jaffa Cakes herself..."
YoGPoD episode 26: Your Grandad Was A Bee?[]
Letter from XboxMan79[]
"Hi Simon and Lewis, love the show. Just want to let you know that you do have an Australian fanbase. I was sitting on the train yesterday." TS13:31
YoGPoD episode 33: My mum bought me a troll... (20/08/2010)[]
Letter from Anton[]
"Hello Lewis and Simon! This is just a follow-up to an e-mail I sent you earlier. I was sitting in my room one night listening to the D&D YoGPoD whilst playing WoW. It was right at the part where Simon (or Yozpoz) calls the Irish/Welsh/Scottish sounding man a "cunt". I was laughing my ass off when my mum came into my room to ask me something. She heard the voices talking and me giggling, and said: "I'll just leave you to talk to your friends for a bit." Thanks to the YoGPoD, my mum now thinks I have friends. Many thanks, best regards, Anton."
Simon and Lewis's response[]
Simon: "Wow. So...so did he, does he have no friends?"
Lewis: "I assume not."
Simon: "Oh, Anton..."
Lewis: "Don't worry, we're your friend, Anton."
Simon: "Uh, what?! I won't go that far. I don't even...are we friends on Facebook, Anton? If we are, then we are friends. We are real life friends. That's what it means: If you're Facebook friends, that means you're real friends."
Letter from Jim Fredriks[]
"Dear Lewis, I send this e-mail with the promise of a real life Yogmobile. This will be a manually controlled vehicle that I will design with my friend and engineers. I can't promise you when this will be done, but it should be a maxium (sic) of two months. I plan to have video in action and pictures of design while it lies out of use. I'm looking forward to making it, I hope you're looking forward to seeing it. Much love from Brandon."
Simon and Lewis's response[]
Simon: "I feel a bit guilty for calling him a fuckwit now, after he's going through this effort."
Lewis: "It does sound like he's gonna put alot of work into it, and I am...I am looking forward to it, so Brandon..."
Simon: "Godspeed, gentle yognaught sire. /salute. You have the balls."
Lewis: "You do."
Simon: "Jaffa cakes Tina Barrett, LOL!
Letter from Steven[]
Steven's letter was very long, and was therefore summarised by Lewis Brindley.
"This is a story that is written by a yognau(gh)t, and it's very long. And apparently, it's true. Okay, so...today, this yognau(gh)t was sat down having dinner with his family, and his dad started to tell a story that he, that had happened to one of his pals at work. Okay? His pal has a son who is, um...retarded. Yeah, unfortunately. Um...and she had to go into work early one day. So, so, so the son is retarded, they had to, this kid had to be left alone one day, 'cos they had to go to work early. And so they called the babysitter. The babysitter said, "Oh, I can't get there immediately, but I'll be around in about 20 minutes, so the kid will have to be on his own for about 10 minutes. Okay, is that okay?" So, they were like, "Okay, that'll be fine." So, umm...so when the babysitter got there, the kid was really excited. And the babysitter asked, "why are you so excited?" and the kid said that his mum had bought him a troll. A real life troll. To play with. Okay? And so the babysitter was a bit confused, but she thougth, "Okay, that, you know, it's a bit of a retarded child." So a little while later, um...so they're obviously playing around downstairs, you know, doing stuff. And the babysitter hears this knocking, this knock-knock sound from upstairs, and a sort of a muffled voice. And so she was like, "Oh my god, that's a bit...that's a bit weird." And she asked the kid, you know, you know what it, what it is, and the kid says, "It's the troll. It's my troll." Yeah, yeah, 'course it is. So she went upstairs and she heard this knocking and this noise and she was a bit scared, so she called, she called um...his mother, and asked if she knew anything about it. And the mother says, "I'll come home immediately." So she came home from work. She gets straight back home. And obviously, uh...he, he, uh...yeah. So they, so she...so the mother comes home, okay, and she goes upstairs, with the babysitter and looks inside the um, the kid's room, which obviously has a lock on the door. And, there's a dwarf there! In the kid's room! And he's wearing a suit, he's very smart dressed. And he, the dwarf explains that he was a...a, um...that he was a census worker, and that he came to the house in the 5–10 minutes that the kid was on his own, and the kid sort of, you know, he said, "Are your parents here?" and the kid said, "Oh, come in." And he locked him in his room. And ever since then, and so the dwarf actually had been calling the police ever since he'd been locked in the room. And the police turned up about five minutes after the mother turned up...so there you go.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm e-mailing you this, it might just be a combination of midgets and retards that made me think of your YoGPoD."
Simon and Lewis's response[]
Simon: "That's a brilliant story. It's brilliant story."
Lewis: "It's a good story, isn't it?"
Simon: "It was very entertaining."
Lewis: "Thank you, Steven, for that. I enjoyed it."
Simon: "Thank you, Steven! What's his surname?"
Lewis: "It doesn't say."
Simon: "Thank you, Steven Doessant-Say! Thank you for that."
Lewis: "That's okay, yeah...It was pretty good."
Simon: "Good story, cheers. If you have any other good stories, please e-mail us at yogscast@gmail.com. That's, that's just for Steven, noone else, obviously.
Lewis: "No."
Simon: "I don't think anyone can ever top that. So...Anything else, Steven?"
Lewis: "I don't know if you, if you think you can, you know, send it, send it through."
Simon: "If you think you can, you're clearly fucking deranged, 'cos there's no, that is the best story...that is the greatest story ever told. They're gonna have to rename that movie about the Bible, because it clearly isn't the greatest story ever told anymore.