There will be casual swearing involved. You have been warned.
(This transcript is a work in progress. If you'd like to contribute, then the last transcribed word is at 9:33.)
Sips: Hey, what are you doing, are you uh... are you uh... you playing the Dungeon Master?
Lewis: Yeah man.
Sips (quietly): Oh maaaan...
Simon: Lewis is the master of the dungeons.
Sips: This is pretty gay, guys...
Sips: Pretty gay.
Lewis: What do you-
Simon and Lewis are still laughing
Simon: Oh God...
Lewis: Oh dear.
Simon: Ahhh, it's... it's gonna be good. It's gonna be good.
Sips: It's gonna... it's gonna be good. Good 'n gay.
Simon: Good 'n gay. Awwww yes. That's my favourite kind of good.
Sips: ...just the way I like it.
Music starts playing
Simon: Welcome to the second YoGPoD Dungeons and Dragons adventure! With an all-new cast of characters; Lewis is the Dungeon Master and Simon (that's me), Hannah, Sips and Mulchie take their first steps into a strange land seeking treasure and GLORY! Sit back and strap in for a nonstop thrill ride as we play D&D!
Lewis: Okay, do you guys wanna go through what characters you're playing and uh...
Simon: Oh God. Okay.
Lewis: ...and what the names are and everything like this.
Music fades out
Simon: Um, I am... hello, I'm Yozpoz. And I am a Halfling warlock that sounds a bit like Warwick Davis but it isn't Warwick Davis, it's someone completely different.
Simon: I... have the power of the stars. And... the astrology. And I use it to wield the uh, the elemental powers of nature and space over my enemies.
Sips: Oh, we don't even need anyone else in the party if he can do all that.
Sips: Let's just watch him do it all.
Simon: Basically, yeah.
Sips: We'll just watch him solo the whole thing. Can you do that in Dungeons and Dragons?
Simon: Um... I don't know.
Lewis: Well... yeah, if you're like an amazing ninja, but... mostly, you obviously need, like, support.
Hannah: Right, um... I am playing Maedowyn which is a Elf sorcerer.[sic]
Hannah: Uh, from previous D&D.
Lewis: It's good to have a character from the old one along for the ride. Brick is off exploring pastures new with Barry at his side... I think Barry went into the Tomb of Horrors and uh... I think he's still there...
Lewis: ...at the moment, actually.
Simon: Oh God. They're trapped in there forever.
Lewis: Um, I don't know about any of the other characters. Simon, what might they be up to?
Simon: Well Dylan died.
Simon: He... he made the ultimate sacrifice. Um, what happened to Brick? Where did Brick go?
Lewis: We don't know, man. He's off somewhere. Maedowyn, do you know where Brick's gone at all?
Lewis: What happened after you left the Icy Spire?
Hannah: I dunno. Didn't Brick throw my cat off a lift? So I don't think we're on talking terms.
Simon: ...oh God.
Lewis: Yeah. Sorry about that. Okay, Mulch. You here?
Hannah: Oh shit, hang on. What was I supposed to do?
Lewis: Oh yeah, you were supposed to talk about your... your character. Are you here?
Hannah: Nonononono, what was I supposed to do with regards to Mulchie? When you came back... you were supposed to text him...
Lewis: Errrr, alright, well okay, we'll move on then! Sips? Hello Sips.
Sips: Oh. Yeah, hi, um... hang on, two seconds here...
Sips: ...just two seconds...
Lewis: This is going amazingly well.
Sips: Just gotta get my... I can't remember any of my details. It'll just be, like, two seconds.
Lewis: No problem Sips.
Sips: Oh yeah. Here... here I go. Hi... hi, hi everybody.
Sips: I'm... I'm Doctor Caesar's Palace MD. I... I'm a Goliath, a... a tribal nomad. Of the mountains. Uh, what else? I, I don't know. I'm a bard. Er...
Lewis: You're a bard. Hang on, what?
Sips: Yeah. Hang on, two seconds.
Lewis: A Goliath bard, Sips?
Simon: A Goliath bard? What-
Lewis: How- ...are you very charismatic?
Sips: I've got a lot of... of charisma, yeah. And apparently a lot of wisdom as well.
Sips: Um... and foes' attacks bounce off my stony hide, as well, which is uh...
Simon: That's useful.
Sips: ...it's pretty good.
Simon: It's good, good to have that.
Sips: Yeah. Yeah, I'm...
Lewis: It's what you need.
Sips: I'm pretty happy about that. And uh...
Lewis: Do you have any instruments? What do you play? Or do you sing? How... how's it work? I don't understand.
Sips: Errr, I don't have any instruments, I think I'm just gonna be a singing bard, uh...
Sips: ...uh, but I can make a campsite, so...
Lewis: Can you?
Sips: ...so yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Lewis: Okay, that's very useful.
Sips: You guys... you guys are gonna... be really happy that I'm coming along.
Lewis: It says here in your character background that you're a cat burglar.
Sips: Oh yeah. I forgot about that. It's pretty useful too.
Lewis: Yeah, so you're a goliath... how tall are you, 7 foot...?
Sips: Between 7'2" and 7'4".
Lewis: Right, okay.
Sips: And I weigh...
Lewis: That's very precise.
Sips: ...weigh between 290 and 320 lbs.
Lewis: ...okay, that depends on whether you've eaten recently...
Simon: You're a big lad.
Sips: I have a light step, so you know, I can...
Lewis: Okay, so you've... you've created a, uh, a lovely campsite, on uh, a nice... ordinary sort of... forest road?
Lewis: And with you are your... companions.
Sips: Another... another important skill that I bring to the party is that I'm a long jumper. So if uh...
Sips: ...if we need to do any jumping whatsoever...
Sips: ...you just let me know!
Sips: And I'll be... I'll be there.
Lewis: Okay. We will bear that in mind.
Mulchie: Hey guys! Hello, hang on-
Lewis: Mulchie is... is here. Hello Mulch!
Simon: Hello Mulchiz.
Lewis: Okay, uh, do you wanna introduce your character?
Mulchie: Yeah, my character is uh, Mulchie, a uh, a Doppelganger rogue, who is uh, a bit of a player... used to be a gigolo, but he decided to give up on that and go adventuring.
Lewis: What is a d... is a Doppelganger a kind of race?
Mulchie: It w... it is an enemy race, but my character's legal. So... it's usually a cre... um, monster race.
Mulchie: But he's gone from... being evil to...
Simon: You're one of the good guys, right.
Mulchie: I'm one of the good guys.
Lewis: We think.
Mulchie: You think.
Lewis: There's not gonna be any twists I hope, um... No there isn't.
Simon: You're telling us this right now. Okay.
Sips: If anything happens... I'll be jumping out of there pretty quickly... with my long jumping skill.
Lewis: Right! So you've got this party and you've got a little Gnome- er, a little Halfling warlock, Simon...
Simon (Yozpoz): 'ello!
Lewis: Hannah's Maedowyn and er... Has she still got her cat, Bubbles?
Hannah: I think so.
Lewis: Okay, Bubbles as well's there, he's doing well. How's he- Is he grown up? Is he still a kitten or is he a fully-fledged cat by now?
Hannah: He's always gonna be a kitten! He's a spirit companion thing.
Lewis: He's always gonna be a kitten? So he's never gonna be able to do any combat? You had the opportunity there, Hannah, to make him into a decent unit. Now he's just a kitten forever.
Hannah: I thought- Nonono, I thought the point was... the point was of it: it can't do any damage, it can't attack anyway.
Lewis: Uh, Sips is a massive dude... holding... do you have a weapon, Sips, or do you just sing at people?
Sips: I think, um...
Lewis: Or do you have a weapon?
Sips: I think my songs are... are all I have.
Lewis: Okay. You're a giant-
Sips: And the campsite.
Lewis: Giant man. And uh, Mulchie. Who's like a, uh, a sneaky kind of rogue-y kind of character. Okay, so. You've had your, your camp. You walk down the road and over the trees you can see this, this very high, big tree which seems to have strange, metal cages hanging off it, and as you come closer you come to a sort of clearing which is a crossroads and the major road leads off towards...
Sips: Uh.. are we on horseback for this?
Lewis: No you're just trav-
Sips: I need to know.
Lewis: ...you're just doing... heading along the road on foot.
Sips: Okay, I'm just tryna get immersed here.
Lewis: I dunno what kind of situation would have arisen to, to... to join you all up, what d'you think brought you all together?
Simon: Uhm... It's safer to travel the dangerous road as a group, because there are, like, bandits out there. There are dragons and evil spirits. So basically we're all cowards and we thought we'd just...
Sips: You guys, you guys all caught me cat burglaring, um... and um...
Simon: Yeah, you tried to rob us, Sips.
Sips: Yeah. Yeah, I was tryna rob you guys.
Simon: So we've got you, like, bound in the back of a cart.
Mulchie: We were walking along and Sips just jumped at us from nowhere.
Sips: I'm 7'2" and I jumped out from a really small rock.
Lewis: Oh God.
Simon: Well this is gonna be an epic adventure, I can tell already.
Sips: It's off to a really good start so far.
Simon: So we tied you up and you were in the back of a cart, and then you made friends with us and you cooked us dinner.
Sips: Because you needed a campsite.
Mulchie: You sang us a song, Sips. You sang us a lovely song.
Sips: I was, yeah. I was singing a song about campsites and you guys thought that maybe I could conjure a campsite with my ritual spells.
Mulchie: But you couldn't. You were just trying to trick us into thinking you could conjure a campsite, weren't you?
Sips: No, I actually can, hang on, let me just double check this... Pretty sure I've got a power here...
Lewis: You can, you can, yes. So anyway, you're walking down the road, it's a nice fresh summer morning and you see above the treeline this, this huge sort of stained-black tree-like structure with cages hanging off it.
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